"It is part of the cure to want to be cured."-Seneca
My promise of waking at 5:00 every morning didn't fare too well. I awoke at 8:30 to the sound of my 3 year old screaming for more juice in her bottle. Yes, we are both on the bottle. But I have my drinking under control, as you can see, I wasn't the one screaming for someone to refill my bottle at 8:30 in the morning. My promise of not drinking was also left unfulfilled. I mean, I can't quit cold turkey. One of the medications I take says something to the effect of "be under a doctor's supervision when eliminating alcohol from your diet." I take some of the directions very seriously. One of the other medications I take says "May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify the effect. Use care when operating a car or dangerous machinery." This just sounds interesting, like a challenge. And we all know I like challenges. This is possibly why I have 3 children.
So, one must desire to be cured in order to be cured. I couldn't agree more. Sometimes I do want to be cured and other times I enjoy the fact that not everyone can drink as much as I can and still function. Today I will focus on wanting to be cured so that I can be cured! And my definition of cured is "feeling sedated. Always."
Monday, January 4, 2010
January 1, 2010
"Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."-Mary Tyler Moore
Today I shall be brave! I will be brave enough to attempt to lift my heavy head from my pillow that smells like a bar stool and assess the damage from last night's New Year's Eve wine and Xanax cocktail. From my bed, things don't look too bad, there is only one bottle of lube lying next to me and it is missing a lid. I am assuming I rang in the new year while my husband rang me out like a dinner bell on a cattle ranch. I will rise and greet the new day of the new year! I will embrace my children and apologize for any slurred bits of advice I may or may not have handed out the night before.
I am brave. I've had more than my share of wonderful things and I've put myself through more inconveniences than I deserved. Today is my day! I feel as though I can do anything. I can and will remove all bottles of wine and beer, quietly and before anyone else is awake, so they can not quantify my accomplishments from last night. Funny, I don't remember drinking beer. Maybe I do.
I will make the new year my bitch, and then make breakfast for everyone. Yes, this requires courage, determination and most of all, positive thinking and appropriate ingredients for pancakes and Hoppin John.
Today I shall be brave! I will be brave enough to attempt to lift my heavy head from my pillow that smells like a bar stool and assess the damage from last night's New Year's Eve wine and Xanax cocktail. From my bed, things don't look too bad, there is only one bottle of lube lying next to me and it is missing a lid. I am assuming I rang in the new year while my husband rang me out like a dinner bell on a cattle ranch. I will rise and greet the new day of the new year! I will embrace my children and apologize for any slurred bits of advice I may or may not have handed out the night before.
I am brave. I've had more than my share of wonderful things and I've put myself through more inconveniences than I deserved. Today is my day! I feel as though I can do anything. I can and will remove all bottles of wine and beer, quietly and before anyone else is awake, so they can not quantify my accomplishments from last night. Funny, I don't remember drinking beer. Maybe I do.
I will make the new year my bitch, and then make breakfast for everyone. Yes, this requires courage, determination and most of all, positive thinking and appropriate ingredients for pancakes and Hoppin John.
Preface to 365 Glorious Days
In a deep manic state, I envisioned a book. A book so powerful, so uplifting and with stories so short, you can ingest it all in the amount of time it takes to drop a deuce. The format is simple~I quote an uplifting passage from another author, and expand upon it. For the record, I am a 34 year old mother, alcoholic, manic depressive wife and salon owner with low self esteem and an eating disorder. Here's to a new year and a new perspective! Cheers!
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